Friday, 24 May 2013

My Dilemma

A perfect morning of mine goes like this, I wake up because my damn alarm clock won’t stop ringing even after I snooze it a couple of times. Drowsily I walk into the bathroom for my morning routine, after which I have to iron my clothes and then get dressed for work. Before I make it to work, I have this routine where I sit and wait at the dining table for my food and tea. By now, you might have guessed I am a bachelor and probably waiting for my mom or maid to bring me food. If you guessed this, then you’re absolutely wrong, I am a poor married man, hungry and waiting for my morning breakfast. 

What’s taking so long? It’s just that my lovely, devilish or fanatical or mad or extremely crazy or whichever other adjective you would use to explain my wife, is dancing to her favourite pop songs in the kitchen. Only after her performance and self appreciation will I get my food but to tell you the truth, even if she is a lovely devilish or fanatical or mad or extremely crazy or whatever other adjectives, the food she brings me after her routine is to die for. I guess it must be the dancer in her or her singing like a crow which makes her food taste so distinguishably tasteless. 

Yeah! You heard me right, uneatable or inedible but I dig in, like I am in the army and I have enough to sustain myself till I reach Ramu’s Restaurant. My usual stop on my way to work, to have a good healthy breakfast.

The reason I explained all this was because this morning was different, I woke up to the touch of my wife sitting beside me on bed with a tea cup in her hand. I had the bizarre feeling that something was wrong, like she is an alien in my wife’s outward appearance trying some experiments with me, by being sweet and caring to me. I somehow managed to drink the bitter tea which I was sure was spiked with poison. I walked into the bathroom and poured some water on my face just to make sure I was not dreaming. Recovering from what has just happened; I step out from the bathroom to see my clothes ironed and lying in bed. 

Now I was sure something was wrong, so I picked up my phone and group messaged my think tank buddies on WeChat

“Need to urgently conference... something’s up... life in danger”.

I was flooded with replies that said, “Ok”.

I get dressed and very vary of my surrounding I walk into the dining room. To my surprise, there was food, actually food on the table that I could eat. I took one taste of it and I knew my wife ordered it from Ramu’s Restaurant. I just wished she had order the tea too.

As I was about to leave, she comes to me.

“Ajay please sit down, there is something I need to tell you”.

I sat down on the couch, not knowing what the cost of her sweetness is going to be. Is it my hand or my leg this time? Last time it was for a diamond earring, the time before that it was for a necklace. I knew this month’s salary was going up in smokes but then she turned to me and said something, which no man would want to hear.

“I won’t cook again,” at least that’s what I heard or been waiting to hear from her but she said, “My mom is coming to town today and will be spending a week with us”.

Literally the blood drained off my face, memories of all the wars fought between me and my mother in law flashed before my eyes. She was like kryptonite to me; there was no winning in front of her, now I want my tea with poison.

I knew I was helpless to stop her from coming home, so I left for work. At work, I finally found time to conference with my group on WeChat.

“My mother in law is coming and I need to find a way out of this situation” I texted my group in WeChat.

WeChat is an app I always keep on my phone for just such situation. It’s one chat which can take over my WhatsApp, Voxer and even Skype functions. I can send or receive messages, pictures, and videos, use it like a Walkie Talkie and even video chat on it. 

My group on WeChat contains Sir Isaac Newton - who is the brains of the operation, Batman - who has the technical knowledge and the money to lend us to build our projects, Tim Allen - who is the joker or comic relief, Adolf Hitler - who is the politician, Osama bin Laden – who supplies us with the weapons and finally Hulk - who is the muscle of the group.

Desperate for an answer I message again, “Pl help me, monster coming”.

“Need plan to escape from mother in law”.

Replies started pouring in.

Hulk: “Hulk smash”.

Isaac Newton: “Don’t be silly Hulk, his mother in law is in a state of motion towards his home and will be in a state of motion towards his home, until ‘us’ an external force do something about it”.

Hulk: “Huh! Hulk confused”.

Ajay: “Come on, No one is smashing anything, although I think it’s a good idea, I need my mother in law alive”.

Hitler: “Let’s create a single party dictatorship based on totalitarian and autocratic ideology of Nazism which will ban your mother in law from visiting”.

Tim Allen: “U want to be the leader of this party and start a war, don’t you?”

Hitler: “Why not? I am the right person to guild the people into a new world order”.

Tim Allen: “U need to have a good moustache to be a good leader, yours looks like something dripping down from your nose Hitler”.

Hitler:I should put you in one of my chambers and test out my new poisonous gases”.

Osama bin Laden: “Discounts on portable chambers available only for today and also sale up to 50% on poisons gases”.

Ajay:“Stop it guys! I have a real problem here. Is there an escape for me or not?”

“Where is Batman? What is he up too? Why is he so quiet today?”

Tim Allen: “He is probably busy stitching his costume”.

Hulk: “Hulk has no costume, Hulk not fit in fancy costume”.

Isaac Newton: “That’s because every action has an equal and opposite reaction, you expand and because of that your clothes tear off”.

Osama bin Laden: “Only for today I have offers on costumes too. Batman, Superman, Robin or any other costume you want, I can provide. Shipping charges is free”.
 
Ajay: "Come on guys, what do I do?”

Batman: “Man up! Go home and face your enemy or in this situation, your mother in law”.

Isaac Newton: “There is nothing else you can do”.

Tim Allen: “Grow some b#$%^”.

Hitler: “I agree that you need to face the situation head on”.

Hulk: “Hulk agrees”.

Osama bin Laden: “Variety of mother in laws for sale. Greek, Arab, American or any other choice you like”. 

I knew I had my answer though my group continued to chat.



I silenced my phone. I decided it’s better for me to go home and find a spot under the bed and wait there until my mother in law leaves. My one sole consolation was that my mother in law is a great cook. 


This post is written for the Indiblogger contest "WeChat with Anyone, Anywhere!" 

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