Friday, 24 May 2013

My Dilemma

A perfect morning of mine goes like this, I wake up because my damn alarm clock won’t stop ringing even after I snooze it a couple of times. Drowsily I walk into the bathroom for my morning routine, after which I have to iron my clothes and then get dressed for work. Before I make it to work, I have this routine where I sit and wait at the dining table for my food and tea. By now, you might have guessed I am a bachelor and probably waiting for my mom or maid to bring me food. If you guessed this, then you’re absolutely wrong, I am a poor married man, hungry and waiting for my morning breakfast. 

What’s taking so long? It’s just that my lovely, devilish or fanatical or mad or extremely crazy or whichever other adjective you would use to explain my wife, is dancing to her favourite pop songs in the kitchen. Only after her performance and self appreciation will I get my food but to tell you the truth, even if she is a lovely devilish or fanatical or mad or extremely crazy or whatever other adjectives, the food she brings me after her routine is to die for. I guess it must be the dancer in her or her singing like a crow which makes her food taste so distinguishably tasteless. 

Yeah! You heard me right, uneatable or inedible but I dig in, like I am in the army and I have enough to sustain myself till I reach Ramu’s Restaurant. My usual stop on my way to work, to have a good healthy breakfast.

The reason I explained all this was because this morning was different, I woke up to the touch of my wife sitting beside me on bed with a tea cup in her hand. I had the bizarre feeling that something was wrong, like she is an alien in my wife’s outward appearance trying some experiments with me, by being sweet and caring to me. I somehow managed to drink the bitter tea which I was sure was spiked with poison. I walked into the bathroom and poured some water on my face just to make sure I was not dreaming. Recovering from what has just happened; I step out from the bathroom to see my clothes ironed and lying in bed. 

Now I was sure something was wrong, so I picked up my phone and group messaged my think tank buddies on WeChat

“Need to urgently conference... something’s up... life in danger”.

I was flooded with replies that said, “Ok”.

I get dressed and very vary of my surrounding I walk into the dining room. To my surprise, there was food, actually food on the table that I could eat. I took one taste of it and I knew my wife ordered it from Ramu’s Restaurant. I just wished she had order the tea too.

As I was about to leave, she comes to me.

“Ajay please sit down, there is something I need to tell you”.

I sat down on the couch, not knowing what the cost of her sweetness is going to be. Is it my hand or my leg this time? Last time it was for a diamond earring, the time before that it was for a necklace. I knew this month’s salary was going up in smokes but then she turned to me and said something, which no man would want to hear.

“I won’t cook again,” at least that’s what I heard or been waiting to hear from her but she said, “My mom is coming to town today and will be spending a week with us”.

Literally the blood drained off my face, memories of all the wars fought between me and my mother in law flashed before my eyes. She was like kryptonite to me; there was no winning in front of her, now I want my tea with poison.

I knew I was helpless to stop her from coming home, so I left for work. At work, I finally found time to conference with my group on WeChat.

“My mother in law is coming and I need to find a way out of this situation” I texted my group in WeChat.

WeChat is an app I always keep on my phone for just such situation. It’s one chat which can take over my WhatsApp, Voxer and even Skype functions. I can send or receive messages, pictures, and videos, use it like a Walkie Talkie and even video chat on it. 

My group on WeChat contains Sir Isaac Newton - who is the brains of the operation, Batman - who has the technical knowledge and the money to lend us to build our projects, Tim Allen - who is the joker or comic relief, Adolf Hitler - who is the politician, Osama bin Laden – who supplies us with the weapons and finally Hulk - who is the muscle of the group.

Desperate for an answer I message again, “Pl help me, monster coming”.

“Need plan to escape from mother in law”.

Replies started pouring in.

Hulk: “Hulk smash”.

Isaac Newton: “Don’t be silly Hulk, his mother in law is in a state of motion towards his home and will be in a state of motion towards his home, until ‘us’ an external force do something about it”.

Hulk: “Huh! Hulk confused”.

Ajay: “Come on, No one is smashing anything, although I think it’s a good idea, I need my mother in law alive”.

Hitler: “Let’s create a single party dictatorship based on totalitarian and autocratic ideology of Nazism which will ban your mother in law from visiting”.

Tim Allen: “U want to be the leader of this party and start a war, don’t you?”

Hitler: “Why not? I am the right person to guild the people into a new world order”.

Tim Allen: “U need to have a good moustache to be a good leader, yours looks like something dripping down from your nose Hitler”.

Hitler:I should put you in one of my chambers and test out my new poisonous gases”.

Osama bin Laden: “Discounts on portable chambers available only for today and also sale up to 50% on poisons gases”.

Ajay:“Stop it guys! I have a real problem here. Is there an escape for me or not?”

“Where is Batman? What is he up too? Why is he so quiet today?”

Tim Allen: “He is probably busy stitching his costume”.

Hulk: “Hulk has no costume, Hulk not fit in fancy costume”.

Isaac Newton: “That’s because every action has an equal and opposite reaction, you expand and because of that your clothes tear off”.

Osama bin Laden: “Only for today I have offers on costumes too. Batman, Superman, Robin or any other costume you want, I can provide. Shipping charges is free”.
Ajay: "Come on guys, what do I do?”

Batman: “Man up! Go home and face your enemy or in this situation, your mother in law”.

Isaac Newton: “There is nothing else you can do”.

Tim Allen: “Grow some b#$%^”.

Hitler: “I agree that you need to face the situation head on”.

Hulk: “Hulk agrees”.

Osama bin Laden: “Variety of mother in laws for sale. Greek, Arab, American or any other choice you like”. 

I knew I had my answer though my group continued to chat.

I silenced my phone. I decided it’s better for me to go home and find a spot under the bed and wait there until my mother in law leaves. My one sole consolation was that my mother in law is a great cook. 

This post is written for the Indiblogger contest "WeChat with Anyone, Anywhere!" 

Friday, 28 December 2012

A Journey – my entry to the GetPublished contest

This is a contest for writing a love story, if chosen; I get to be one of the authors in a collection of love stories published by HarperCollins. 

I always wanted to write a love story, a compilation of all my mistakes and experiences, so this is a good opportunity for me. Just for the sake of it I googled about love. It showed me quotes on love, I read through them and I liked this one...

“I love you without knowing how or when or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride. I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate, that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate, that when I fall asleep your eyes close.” 
By Pablo Neruda

Love, I feel embalms a lot of feelings, a word that describes a lot of emotions, yet no one can explain what it really means. Poets, scholars and writers have written about love and yet can’t explain the depths of it. 

Out of curiosity I checked Wikipedia for the meaning of love. It states, “Love is an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also said to be a virtue, representing all of human kindness, compassion and affection.” It also states, “Love refers to a variety of different feelings, states and attitudes, ranging from pleasure to interpersonal attraction.” I guess love even confuses them.

My story Line...
Once or twice a year Anup took a train journey to Delhi and back. He was an architect living in Kochi, doing well in his field but his personal life was different. He had always been a quite person or in other words, an introvert. He was not lonely neither was he craving to fall in love. He had not met the right one, that was his excuse. 

This story is about the journey that changed his life forever. He meets Ancy who is young, beautiful and talkative.All that Anup is not. What would an introverted Anup do about his feeling for her? And where would it lead him?

 “Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice but falling in love with you was beyond my control."

My story includes incidents from my personal life, as well as experiences of my friends. I hope I am allowed to tell my story.

"This is my entry for the HarperCollins–IndiBlogger Get Published contest, which is run with inputs from Yashodhara Lal and HarperCollins India."

Friday, 2 March 2012

Rafting In Rishikesh

I can’t swim as well as I can drown, to be frank I am a lot afraid of open waters, so when my wife came up with the idea of going for rafting, I was suspicious of her. I thought I better inform the nearby police station that my wife is planning on killing me.

I am also courageous (or maybe too dumb), so I agreed to go for it, after all I am brave when I have a life jacket on me. 

Well he is too brave with the life jacket on; he probably thinks he gets superpowers from it. I love water and I'm always game for any kind of water sports, so I was excited to find out about rafting in Rishikesh. I have tried learning swimming from friends and I do swim a little bit, I'm a very confident swimmer with the life jacket on. :). When the guide stopped the raft at a place with not many whirlpools, giving us an opportunity to swim in the deep water of Ganga, I jumped out without a second thought. I'd been up in Uttarkashi for a month and had been taking refreshing dips in the freezing cold water in the Ganga almost every day, so I was used to the temperature of the water by now, unlike Ranjit. He had just joined me just a few days before this rafting expedition.

I was enjoying the cold waters and the exhilarating feeling that I was floating in the middle of the deep waters. The two guys who had jumped down with me decided to go back in as the current started to get stronger. As I said, I love water, I wasn't ready to go back in and the guide too didn't think it was necessary as I was keeping up with the raft. But as the current got stronger I was finding it hard to keep up with the raft. I started to panic when the raft was getting out of sight. But then I thought the guides would slow down for me which they probably were but the water current just swept me along with it. Ranjit who is scared of the waters and who has never had cold water bath in his life, jumped in to water like superman to save me. I panicked more when I saw him in the water but he did manage to help me get back in the raft.

Rafting or white water rafting is a fun sports, it uses an inflatable raft to carry you across the river. Rafting has different grades, the higher the grade, the harder the course. We went on a grade 4 in Rishikesh. The highest is grade six, so I was in for a big challenge.

We were in a team of ten including two guide (experts in rafting). It began slow and started to get wild, the river was throwing us in different directions, we where paddling for our lives, water spraying all over our faces and the only way we survived was due to the instruction we received from our guides.

We had a great adrenaline rush driving those waves. The course was great because in between we got to rest too. I won’t say rest for sure because it was more like we got to jump of a steep rock face over 4 meter of the water. I jumped of it twice and my wife always two steps ahead of me took one jump more than me. 

Fear is something that drives us not to take part in these activities but once you get over the fear, I swear you’re going to have the most fun. Let me tell u once again, I can't swim but the life jacket does its work, so don’t worry and if you see rafting anywhere, I suggest you go for it.

The funny part of this ride was we had a kid with us, about the age of 12 or so yrs, sitting right in front of the boat holding onto to it as tightly as possible, praying out loud "Jai Mata Di" all the while.

                                             Live life to the fullest...                                                                   

Monday, 20 February 2012

Must Have Toys For The Rich

A dusty wind whirls around on the tarmac of the air field as the helicopter moves in to touch down. Our hero opens the door and steps out in slow motion. His hairs falling across his face as people come up to greet him. They lead him to his sports car; he opens the door of the car, rev the engine and drives away as the sun goes down in the back ground.

This is a scene where the rich hero plays in almost every movie, so what does it tell us. People with a lot of money should have two items in their arsenal; just because it makes their life look cool or maybe to vent some steam or maybe because there is too much money lying around. You probably might have guessed by now what those two things are, one is a very fast car and the other is a flying machine, like a helicopter or a plane. 

I decided I too should own a fast car and a helicopter, so I sold everything I had, begged a bit more and then pleaded with people to lend me some more money. Finally with all of that I went out and brought myself a car and a helicopter. Don’t be surprised, I am now a proud owner of a brand new car and helicopter that can be fully controlled with a remote. Of course, they are very small versions of the real thing, some people might even call it toys but then that is what I ended up with, neither did I had the money nor did I get a role in the movie (thou I still really feel I should have). 

Anyway, I am happy with it (probably because I can’t afford the real thing). 

Monday, 6 February 2012

Club Mahindra Scam

Every mall you have ever been too, you probably have come across this one person who wants you to fill a form for Club Mahindra which is also a lucky draw coupon. A few might walk away like me (the only reason being, I have filled it before and I know what comes after) but I am sure most will fill the form, lucky draw coupons are too enticing to resist the temptations. 

The reason why I am writing about this is, I travel a lot with my wife and I am looking out for travel information on TV or newspapers or even on the internet. Lately I have come across this TV program in Fox Traveller called Ultimate Travel Scam. It's about scams played on travellers causing loss of money or belongings. In one of the episodes I came across a scam quite close to this, which I then told my wife and she suggested I write about this as a post, so that I let people know about it.

What happened to me was, I filled the form like a lot of you. Within a few days I got a call saying that I won a prize, it was a trip for two, 2 days and 3 nights in Munnar. The only way I could collect the prize was by bring my wife along for a lecture to their office. Since I was single then, I did not go.

Once again after a few months I came across this lucky draw coupon and this time I won again (I am so damn lucky). The prize was still 2 days and 3 nights at Munnar. This time I thought, I should not let the prize slip through my hands, so I took my girlfriend along pretending to be my wife. I attend the lecture with her, from the beginning I was persuaded, enticed and even seduced into taking up their club membership with drinks and royal treatment.

My idea as I walked into the office was to take the free vacation I got as a prize and leave but since I was in such a situation where I was treated well and made to feel like I am going to have a good time as a member of their club, they expected something out of me, to which I responded that I wanted my vacation and that’s all (they probably have never meet a guy like me, who is too stingy to part with money). Finally, giving up, they left me a phone number to call and book my vacation.

I called a couple of times, the brochures are coming and that’s always the answer, so I finally just gave up. I then searched for Club Mahindra and came across lots of people been tricked like me. People who have taken up the membership also face problems like booking for their vacations and hidden charges. Beware of it.

So next time you see these people, walk away or if you want to have fun and win a prize, fill the form.

Monday, 30 January 2012

Paintball Shooting Arena


Men love gun, guns would end any argument at an instant. The best way to settle a fight would be to duel with guns, so when I saw a paintball shooting arena in Mahabaleshwar in Satara district, which is  in  Maharashtra. I just had to pull my car over and have an argument with my wife.

We walked into the arena, which was a small ground covered with nets all around and sand bags placed as to provide bunker like feeling. We paid for guns and found ourselves been covered in over alls and protections for our vital parts. 

They split us into groups, me leading one team and my wife on the other. The idea was to get to our opponents target without being shot. We were given paintball guns which sprayed colour on contact with the body. We had a lot of fun trying to hit each other, jumping like military men from one bunker to the other, hiding and shooting when possible. 

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

GPS By MapmyIndia

GPS Device
As we travel a lot by road, the two biggest problems I mostly face are the constant nagging of my wife and finding the way to our destination. To help me with this, I carry a bundle of maps of India, divided into each state.

You can imagine this scene, where the map is spread out in front of my navigator (my wife), her head buried in it, trying to figure out where we are and what route should we be taking.  Once in a while, we are forced to roll down the window and get someone direction, from people standing by the side of the road. Occasionally, while rolling down the window, the air blows the map of her hand, landing on my face. Sometimes we end up exactly opposite to where we are supposed to be. 
It’s not easy to ask people for direction when you’re in the middle of traffic or when it’s late in the night and you can’t find anyone. Maps in India are not easy to read.  The point I am trying to make with all this is people who love travelling by road should get a GPS for their car.  

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